
Welcome to Top 5, Volume 1. Every week, I will add an installment to my Top 5 Edition, which is a list of my Top 5 (fill in the blank). Today's founding installment is The Sex in This City Edition.
Why sex? Why not? Without it you and I would not be here. So, let's delve into some pollenation!
I can define my sexual experiences through 5 names. Each name personifies a sexual experience to which I judge all present and future encounters.
Marc - Marc was my Picasso. He created a master piece in bed. He could do things and make me feel ways I didn't think were possible or legal.
Every woman deserves at least one Marc in her life. That one sexual experience that can be described only through sound. 'Mmmmmm' or a massive sigh. A sexual experience that is just such - an experience - an out of body, I just went to Heaven and back experience. A mind boggling, words cannot express, once in a lifetime sexual experience that all other sexual experiences will be compared to and subsequently will fall below the mark (pun intended).
He is also the type of guy who you secretly don't want to tell your friends about (but end up dishing about after you and he are officially over) because you don't even want to chance having an envious friend side-eye him.
Grade: A+ - Graduated high school at 16. Finished college in 3 years, then pursues a Masters. Just received an honorary Doctorate. We have a genius here, folks!
Ryan - If I were Tony the Tiger, one saying could summarize Ryan. He's "grrrrr-great!" He's no Michaelangelo; so, don't expect a Sistenth Chapel here. Yet, he knew what he was doing, and, even better, he did it very well. An orgasm was guareenteed and so was a fun time. (Who knew I was that flexible!?!) Like Marc, every woman deserves a Ryan for when Marc is busy. Lol. A Ryan is defitinitely bragging rights material.
Grade: A-/B+ - Strong GPA, Honor Roll
Alex - Alex defines decent sex. At times, he's good. Other times he's just okay. Sometimes, I'd have an orgasm, and the rest of the time I wouldn't. He's one of those guys that you won't rant and rave to your friends about his amazing skills in bed, but you won't complain either. Fortunately, he's the teachable type, and every once and I while, he'd Ace his test!
Grade: B to C+ - not stellar, but consistently good, above average
Jason - After having sex with Jason, I immediately wanted to fall down, bump my head, and wake up with a severe case of amnesia. Unfortunately, I still remember the bad sex. I almost told him, "Okay, enough, this just has to stop!" But he (very fortunately) came within 7 minutes of us starting. I kid you not! Not only was he bad in bed, but also he gave Speedy Gonzales a run for his money.
Grade: C- to D+ - If this were the SATs, he was one of those kids that benefitted from filling in his name correctly.
Kevin - I wish I were a nun.
Kevin is the anti-hero, or, in this case, the anti-Marc. He is the one sexual experience I wish I never experienced. He took bad sex to another level. He's one of those men you question, "Is this his first time?" Or ask yourself, "Should I kill myself now, or later? Now." He is the story that you tell your friends because you think you need counseling, and they believe you. If Jason (see above) epitomizes the saying, "Tragedy plus time equals comedy", then Kevin signifies "Life isn't fair."
Grade: Don't pass go. Don't collect $200. Go straight to Jail. You failed! You get a 0!!! Repeat the grade!
Ladies, who are your Top 5? Any good stories???!
And Gents, feel free to spill your Top 5 too!